In an effort to leave less of a "clumsiness" footprint on this delicate earth, I've decided to keep track of my moments of awkward catastrophe. My thinking is that if I'm aware of the more common incidences, I might be able to avoid or possibly even prevent them...
In order to make this a fair fight, you know, give myself hope to continue getting out of bed in the morning, I'll have to allow clumsy moments to be offset by moments of grace and poise. Ultimately, the goal at the end of the day will be a
neutral score. If I fell down the stairs, that's a negative point. If I tripped up the stairs while carrying a McCafe and didn't spill a drop, that's a positive point (only if I already have negative points though...) Hum...perhaps I should go ahead and set point values for some of my more common mishaps...
spilling anything other than water: 1 pt
spilling anything other than water on furniture that doesn't belong to me: 2 pts
running into walls, door frames, coffee tables: 1 pt
causing others to run into walls, door frames, coffee tables: 2 pts
breaking dishes, glasses, cheap plastic jewelry: 1 pt
breaking antique furniture (regardless of ownership): 3 pts
breaking bones (my own): 4 pts
breaking bones (others; unwarranted & accidental): 6 pts
causing damage to a vehicle (minor; via runaway shopping cart, etc.): 3 pts
causing damage to MY new vehicle (ANY & ALL): 4 pts
ripping, puncturing, shredding, irreparably staining clothing (minor): 1 pt
ripping, puncturing, shredding, staining clothing (in an embarrassing region): 2 pts
Unfortunately, this isn't an exhaustive list, just all that I can bring myself to openly confess to the world. Perhaps more unfortunately, I can't really think of one thing I do on a daily basis that could be the first entry on the list of moments of grace & poise (worth positive points, of course).
I shan't be counting points from this holiday weekend. Were I to do so, the tally would be somewhere just north of -7...I'd like to start at 0. And since it's only 10:40 in the AM, I'm probably as close as I'll ever be...let the games begin!
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This should be fun!
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ReplyDeleteHow many points does dropping a small child off of a table count for?
ReplyDeleteYour funny Katie! I know I will be counting my own acts now. : )
ReplyDeleteahhh...if child incurs damage: 10 pts
ReplyDeleteif child incurs no damage and laughs: +10 points?????
Hilarious!! I could easily rack up 100 pts in a weekend. I like how breaking bones and cars are the same value. I honestly think I might be more upset about my car! :) Sad, but true. I need to call you, I have news (no I'm not pregnant).
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