Ode to Shawn...

I just had a gut check. It wasn't pleasant but I definitely needed it.

I have had a long day, I feel terrible and I still have a lot of work to do tonight. Sigh. Feeling completely sorry for myself, I detoured on the way home to Kroger to get some soup for dinner. Of course, at 5:45, the parking lot is packed, as is the store.

I head in. I'm going through the produce aisle and I'm blocked in every direction either by some old person or someone with 16 kids running around their legs. I engage in an epic eye roll, an audible sigh and then proceed to act like I'm moving a boulder in trying to find a path around all of the obstacles.

I finally get the soup and I'm trying to make my way up to checkout when I spot Shawn. He's worked at our Kroger for a couple of years I think. He has some sort of mental disability and some visible physical abnormalities as well. He was trying to get the door to a freezer case to stay closed (somehow I found myself in the ice cream aisle...). Anyway, I watched him and he got it shut. He then turned around and flashed a big smile to no one in particular and went on his way.

My eyes instantly filled up with tears. I am looking up at the ceiling and now making a beeline for the checkout (hard to walk fast and look at the ceiling at the same time). I find the shortest line and take a deep breath so I can stop tunneling the tears to my side eyeballs (whatever the scientific name for that area is). The tears slow down and I can look straight ahead now. So...directly in front of me in line is a lady using food stamps to purchase her groceries. I watch her as she carefully checks what she's chosen against whatever the papers tell her she can buy. She tries to do this discretely but it's obviously somewhat difficult to do so.

Signal more tears. Looking up at the ceiling again. Pay for the groceries. Of course, Shawn in now bagging my stuff. Go figure. After I pay I practically run to my car and then as soon as the door is closed, I promptly lose it.

I was so mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself for not feeling good and having a long day. Look at Shawn. He lives in a world that isn't made for him to succeed. He gets made fun of (I've seen this happen at the store before). I wonder if someone loves him, if someone encourages him. I wonder if the woman with the food stamps has family that she can count on to help her or if she struggles alone. I have all of these things and so much more and I'm sad because I might have a fever. I'm sad because I have a couple of hours of work to do.

Hence the gut check. I have so many things to be thankful for. Really, every time I think of something that bugs me, I could probably think of 10 blessings to cancel that one irritation out. I hope each of you feel blessed. I really think everyone is blessed, at least to someone less fortunate than you are. Next time I feel like my life stinks for some stupid trivial reason, I hope I think of Shawn. Of how hard he works bagging my groceries. Of how much he probably needs encouragement and love on many hard days. Love and encouragement that I have in abundance. I'm so thankful for these things. I'll always have them, no matter how crummy I feel or how much work I have to do. :)