Saturday, January 31, 2009

Scattegories...

So...in a recent, heated game of Scattegories, there were several contested answers given. As an impartial voter, would you have allowed the following answers?

1) For baby foods that start with S: split-pea soup
2) For sports that start with J: jumping jacks
3) For things you keep hidden with D: dirty dancing
4) For menu items that start with D: diced peaches
5) For beers that start with F: Flat Tire (the well-intending responder meant Fat Tire)
6) For songs that start with M: My Endless Love (the acurate response is "Endless Love"

Yes? What's that you say?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Yeah, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Mostly because I'm totally uninspired to write anything original. So...25 Random things about meeeeeeeeee....

1. I love the 3 dot thing, I can't remember what it's called...
2. I have a very high tolerance for pain.
3. I have a very low tolerance for Duke.
4. I stepped on my own fingers once. It hurt.
5. I am ridiculously clumsy.
6. I fell through a glass table when I was little. I was jumping on it. See #5.
7. I am not stupid. See #6.
8. I lived in London for a semester in college. While there, I somehow managed to miss going to Westminster Abbey. I am ashamed.
9. I love smells. Good ones.
10. I think most people look like I other people I know (or celebrities). I tell them this a lot. It's probably annoying.
11. I am annoying. In an endearing way.
12. My eyes are green when I stare directly into the sunlight.
13. I have damaged retinas. See #12.
14. I have numerous scars. Everywhere. Mostly small ones. Mostly related to softball, falling of my bike, falling out of a tree, etc.
15. One time when I was about 12, I was riding my bike up our street, which was on a moderate incline. I put my head down and stood up to pedal. I ran smack into a car that was parked on the street. I sat on the curb for about 30 minutes because I was a) concussed and b) really embarrassed and certain that people were laughing at me out their windows.
16. My sensory perception is very acute. I am a teacher so this serves me well. Yes, I do have eyes in the back of my head.
17. I am a really good judge of character = I can smell a rat.
18. I love snow.
19. My husband and I had a beautiful outdoor wedding at the end of October (planned). We worked for months on the farmhouse/property where we were going to get married. It poured down rain. We got married inside.
20. When I was walking down the aisle on my wedding day, I almost fell. :)
21. I can bend my tongue in half. You can't.
22. I LOVE to mow grass (on a tractor).
23. I despise snobbery. With a passion.
24. I LOVE maps. Especially old, random maps.
25. I LOVE to travel, fly, pay in foreign currency, look up directions on street maps, ride subways, etc.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Beware the Beast

I faced down a beast this morning. The face-off was planned. I ran out of the Aveda hair product I use and had to get more. Actually, I've been out of it really for about a week but I squeezed every last iota of the goop out of the bottle just to avoid the beast at the Aveda store.

The beast wears many faces. All soft and lovely. All offering hot tea and a nice smile. And then it begins...

Beast: What can we help you with today?
Me (walking directly to product, retrieving product, getting out wallet and walking directly to counter to pay): Oh, you know, the usual, Be Curly.
Beast (scrambling to put down tea and get to the register to ring me up): Great! Have you tried the blah blah blah with that?
Me (money is out, I'm ready to pay): Actually yes, I have some at home. Thank you.
Beast (calmly ready to live up to her title as she scans my product): Are you earning points with us?
Me (stomach churning, beads of sweat starting to form at my temples): No, I'm not, thank you.
Beast (with sly grin and faux charm): Well, why don't we sign you up? It's only $25 for an entire year of membership. You earn points every time you make a purchase. You can earn a free tea pot or even a free massage!
Me (avoiding all eye contact and mustering all my strength): No thank you.
Beast (growing desperate, ready to go in the for the kill): Are you sure, if you earn enough points, you could even earn a trip to the moon!
Me (on the verge of wetting my pants): No thank you. Maybe next time.
Beast (now judging me for not joining the points program): Ok. Your total is ______.

At this point, the Beast doesn't speak to me anymore. She looks down her nose at me, obviously scorning me for not coughing up 25 measly dollars to join the Avenda fan club. And really, it's not the money. Although the amount to join the points club is more than the product I purchase. I buy one thing there a month (at best). I'm never going to accumulate enough points for even a free sample of a half ounce tube of lip balm, much less a trip to the moon. And, I don't drink the stinkin' hot tea so I'm not going to give you 25 of my dollars to help pay for it!

I hate this entire exchange. And, it doesn't just happen at Aveda. The whole credit card thing happens every time I shop most anywhere other than a grocery store. "Would you like to save 10% today by opening an Old Navy card?" NONONONONONONO! I've told you people this every time I've been to Old Navy for the past 10 years! Can't you keep a log book or something! The part I hate the most though is just trying to come up with a reason why I don't want the card or to be in the super cool points club. No never works. They always ask again. I feel bad saying no. That's the power of the beast. At least, they're power over me. I feel guilty for not joining the cool club. If the cool club was free, I'd join. But, I guess that's what makes it cool...it's exclusive. :)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Why So Serious?

Teenagers are weird on many levels. I'm sure there's a blog out there dedicated to just that topic. Today at softball practice after school, one of the girls (sophomore) asked me to hold a ring of hers. Of course, the other girls say "oohhhh, pretty ring", etc. Turns out, the boyfriend (junior) gave the girl her ring for Christmas. It has precious stones in it, including what appeared to be diamonds. How cute (the throw up a little in your mouth kind).

I used to pretend that the skin-tinting rings from Chuckie Cheese were given to me by some hopeless romantic (third-grader, not high schooler) But, who didn't do that?! However, serious relationships in high school, early high school, ones that involve precious stones are just radarndiculous. To think that at 15, you've linked hearts with your forever soul mate is just mind boggling. You can't remember to do your homework but you're ready to play house with someone else that can't remember to do their homework? You can't go to the bathroom without raising your hand to ask but you want to share a bathroom with someone that can't legally buy you cold medicine? Really?

The kicker is when the parents of said lovebirds encourage such serious behavior. They know their kids are kids...they still take care of them! Over our lovely sushi dinner tonight, I explained to Tie that our children (whence they come) shan't be having uber-serious high school relationships. The first time I see even a semi-precious stone being given or gotten, the hammer is coming down and the jewelry is being pawned for bars to go on the windows (to prevent the Romeo/Juliet scenario).

Now, aforementioned husband and I starting dating in high school. His junior year, my senior year. We dated all through college (different schools, 3 hours apart). We never broke up. However, all of this is completely irrelevant because we were totally an exception. We were (and still are) very independent, had our own friends and in my opinion (which is what matters in my blog, :), were never overly serious until it became pretty obvious that we were locked in (yep, romance is overrated). And yeah, we were just different. We didn't stand in the hallway, our noses 3 inches apart, looking into each others eyes, searching for acceptance (girlfriend) or less noble things (boyfriend) every time the stinkin' bell rang. We didn't plaster the inside of our lockers with pictures of each other from infancy to last week and of course, no semiprecious stones were exchanged. Seemed to work for us...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Welcome Mr. President

Having been inundated with inauguration coverage for what seems like forever, I've noticed how many people have so freely expressed their feelings about the historic event. I guess I'm finally ready to come clean...

Really, up until President Obama's Inaugural address, even through the swearing in and Mama Aretha and her hat, pretty much every positive feeling I had about the inauguration was counterbalanced by a not so positive feeling. I feel moved by the magnitude of the event. As a history teacher, I have read numerous primary source documents (first hand accounts) of African-Americans suffering through the Middle passage, slavery itself, black codes during Reconstruction, sharecropping, grandfather clauses and the list goes on. Often times when I read these accounts and study them with my students, I literally feel sick thinking about how many Christians and other "good" people simply tolerated if not perpetuated such widespread abuses of other, God-breathed, human beings. And then, I think about the fact that President Obama is biracial. He in fact, is only partially black. His father was not an American. He was African. His ancestors did not suffer through American slavery and the discrimination that has existed in our country against African-Americans. Why do so many people uphold him as an example of overcoming decades-old prejudice when his family experience was not a part of those decades?

I also feel really hopeful thinking about Americans becoming excited about government. Again, because I teach high school students, I know how hard it is to relate government to their everyday lives. However, this feeling fades pretty quickly too and turns into skepticism. Why are the people who voted for the first time in their life, because they supported Obama, just now becoming involved? Honestly, there is no valid excuse in my book. More affected lately by the economy? Someone is always on the short end of the stick. Why aren't we concerned with the less fortunate when we aren't them? Tired of the War in Iraq? Newsflash: politicians need supervision and endorsements regardless of the issue they support. How else do they know that they're out of line or on the right track? Didn't like previous candidates? WRITE IN YOUR CHOICE! Allowing yourself to be silenced after blood has been shed so you can exercise your voice is despicable.

I could go on and on. Really I'm just trying to illustrate that although I thought a lot of things about today were good, I also was discouraged about a good bit.

Then President Obama gave his Inaugural Address. I know he didn't write most of what he said. They never do. But, the words were written to reflect his ideals and values. He said them. He stood on the platform and accepted the challenge in front of him. I honestly felt that his words were genuine and deliberate. A lot of things he said resonated with me. Some things he said made me scratch my head. But I will never forget these words: "What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. This is the price and the promise of citizenship."

My duties are defined by my obligations as a child of God. How do you define your duties to your neighbor and your country? I hope we will all consciously think about what are duties are as American citizens. As the saying goes, many hands make light work. If we all accept our self-defined or divinely-inspired duties, how changed would our communities be? How changed would our country be? I'd love to see the answers to these questions.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Two-Faced...

Is it always bad to be two-faced? Or even three-faced, multi-faced, per se...

I definitely have a work face and an "other" face...I spend my days teaching honors and advanced placement high school students...history, no less. This is my first year at the school I'm currently at. I teach sophomores, juniors and seniors. I love the juniors (AP U.S. History), the seniors and I have a mutual understanding that works for both of us (AP European History) but darned those sophomores. I've earned quite a reputation amongst they're ranks. Example #1: Today, at the Mu Alpha Theta meeting (I was blacklisted from this math club, all math clubs really), the students discussed asking teachers math trivia questions on Pi day (3/14) and "pie-ing" teachers in the face if they got the question wrong. Apparently, when the club sponsor asked the sophomores which teachers they wanted to pie in the face, they all viciously shouted, "Mrs Watkins!!!" This lovely gem was recounted to me by one of my moles...actually, one of my seniors students noted above.

The sophomores see me as brutal, the "hardest teacher" in their grade. I make them do too much work, I never cut them any slack ("Can I steal this pencil?", "No, you may borrow the pencil."), my tests are too hard, we work ALL 55 minutes of class, I give homework over the weekend, blah blah blah blah....

Now, I really don't care, for the most part, that they think these things about me. They are fickle, irrational, illogical, subject to flights of fancy (and casual) and just altogether delusional sometimes. They exaggerate and dramatize like it will boost their GPA. They get together and a test grade of 86 (B) turns into, "I FAILED THAT TEST...IT WAS SOOOOO HARD!" Not joking...

Sometimes on days when I walk down the hall past their cluster of lockers and they stop talking and quickly throw on their garlic necklaces and wield their crucifixes in my direction, I just want to laugh and say, look peeps, I'm human! In fact, I'm so human and so not teacher-ly (when I'm not teaching) that my maturity level and adultness is oft-questioned. In fact, a family member recently said to me, in the midst of a card game in which I mercilessly (yet lovingly) annoyed everyone in my special charming way, "I can't believe you are in a position of authority over children!"

Indeed I am. But, that is my work face. I'm not sure it would be appropriate for me to talk to them in my Yankee voice or pretend smack them in the face (with my super hand shield of course) or steal the pillow from under their head just before they lay down or pour a cup of cold water on their head while they're in the shower (I've been clean of this habit for awhile, you can continue to patronize my blog without feeling like you're enabling a freakshow). I mean really, I'm pretty sure they'd prefer my work face to my real face. If I was teaching them how to test the patience of their friends and loved ones, my regular face would be just fine. As I'm not, I'll have to stick with the work face, even if it is tough and leathery!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Nanny Cam

I'm wondering how hard I'd have to try to convince my husband that we need to invest in a nanny cam. For the umpteenth time lately, I've overslept, despite diligently setting two alarm clocks before going to sleep a mere 5-6 hours prior. Just before slipping off to slumber last night, we discussed alarm clocks and their effectiveness. I was debating whether to set my actual alarm clock in addition to my phone alarm or just go with the phone alarm. Tie wanted to know why I would set both (apparently he didn't notice that I do and have for about, oh...years now). I explained that with two, I'm certain to wake up on time.

Enter purpose #1 for nanny cam. I would love to see what I/Tie look like as my two alarms go off and his one alarm goes off for about an hour every morning. He sets his WAY earlier than he needs to to get up...generally about 45 minutes to an hour earlier. I set two and set them both for about 30 minutes before I need to get up. One of mine is 4 minutes faster than the other one. We like to hit the snooze button, ours are both programmed for 10 minutes. So, between the three alarm clocks, each set to go off at different times and each being "snoozed" at different times, I'm 100% positive that we look like complete bafoons flopping around on the bed hitting the snooze button every two minutes.

One variation of this process include wrestling with terrible uncertainty as to which alarm clock is going off and struggling to swat the right button before the other one goes off. Another is when I turn off or snooze one of my alarms, thinking it's Tie. Yet another still is when who ever's alarm it is thinks it's the others and doesn't turn theirs off. More often than not, Tie does this. My favorite response of his when I tell him, quite nicely and quietly I might add, to turn his alarm off is his puny and unnaturally (given the hour of day and lack of functioning state of being) defensive tone, "Stop yelling at me!" Yes, I would be willing to subject myself to worldwide humiliation and post said video footage on YouTube in hopes of earning a spot on Stupid Human Tricks or something of the like.

Reason #2 for nanny cam is for my mental health. On days when I oversleep, I am 100% positive that I set my alarm(s) the night before. So, what the heck happened? I didn't turn it off. I double checked to make sure it is set properly. What is this madness? Who is conspiring against met to foil my day? I have a couple theories. I wreaked havoc on the tooth fairy for a little while as a kiddo. Pulled numerous teeth that weren't ready to come out and kept the lady hopping when she had more worthy teeth to confiscate. Perhaps she is exacting revenge. My dog, really the cutest thing ever (and I don't mean rat dog with rhinestone collar cute) might be using his paw to cause me great paranoia. After all, he is pretty smart and down right spoiled (I've only recently come to this conclusion) and it wouldn't surprise me at all to see that he botched our highly scientific and effective rousing routine. He loves burrowing down in the covers or basically hogging any warm spot on the bed. In fact, for a mere 18 pounds, you'd think he was a burly boulder for how much success we have nudging him out of the middle of the bed at night. However, when I get up, his major source of heat is gone. 2 + 2 = 4, right?

I believe I've sufficiently proven my case for purchasing the nanny cam. Of course, my money might be better spent on getting one of those alarm clocks that gives you an electric shock when you hit the snooze button, or throws out a few puzzle pieces that must be correctly assembled for the alarm to stop sounding. Or even better, that bounces around the room as you chase it. Wait...maybe all of these gadgets plus a nanny cam is the way to go. :)