Beware the Beast

I faced down a beast this morning. The face-off was planned. I ran out of the Aveda hair product I use and had to get more. Actually, I've been out of it really for about a week but I squeezed every last iota of the goop out of the bottle just to avoid the beast at the Aveda store.

The beast wears many faces. All soft and lovely. All offering hot tea and a nice smile. And then it begins...

Beast: What can we help you with today?
Me (walking directly to product, retrieving product, getting out wallet and walking directly to counter to pay): Oh, you know, the usual, Be Curly.
Beast (scrambling to put down tea and get to the register to ring me up): Great! Have you tried the blah blah blah with that?
Me (money is out, I'm ready to pay): Actually yes, I have some at home. Thank you.
Beast (calmly ready to live up to her title as she scans my product): Are you earning points with us?
Me (stomach churning, beads of sweat starting to form at my temples): No, I'm not, thank you.
Beast (with sly grin and faux charm): Well, why don't we sign you up? It's only $25 for an entire year of membership. You earn points every time you make a purchase. You can earn a free tea pot or even a free massage!
Me (avoiding all eye contact and mustering all my strength): No thank you.
Beast (growing desperate, ready to go in the for the kill): Are you sure, if you earn enough points, you could even earn a trip to the moon!
Me (on the verge of wetting my pants): No thank you. Maybe next time.
Beast (now judging me for not joining the points program): Ok. Your total is ______.

At this point, the Beast doesn't speak to me anymore. She looks down her nose at me, obviously scorning me for not coughing up 25 measly dollars to join the Avenda fan club. And really, it's not the money. Although the amount to join the points club is more than the product I purchase. I buy one thing there a month (at best). I'm never going to accumulate enough points for even a free sample of a half ounce tube of lip balm, much less a trip to the moon. And, I don't drink the stinkin' hot tea so I'm not going to give you 25 of my dollars to help pay for it!

I hate this entire exchange. And, it doesn't just happen at Aveda. The whole credit card thing happens every time I shop most anywhere other than a grocery store. "Would you like to save 10% today by opening an Old Navy card?" NONONONONONONO! I've told you people this every time I've been to Old Navy for the past 10 years! Can't you keep a log book or something! The part I hate the most though is just trying to come up with a reason why I don't want the card or to be in the super cool points club. No never works. They always ask again. I feel bad saying no. That's the power of the beast. At least, they're power over me. I feel guilty for not joining the cool club. If the cool club was free, I'd join. But, I guess that's what makes it cool...it's exclusive. :)