Who Am I?

For the love of pete...I can't figure out who I am today. Don't worry, I don't mean abstractly. Although, I probably couldn't figure that out either. I'm referring to the seemingly endless number of username/password combinations that I apparently utilize on a daily basis to conduct my not-so-important business. Mind you, I'm not a flashy agent to the likes of Terrell Owens or an investment banker spending and shifting people's money here there and everywhere. I don't follow many blogs, I'm not on MySpace, I only use one bank, I don't utilize third party bill payment systems (I don't even know what those are) nor do I do much of anything else that requires much security on the internet.

I do, however, utilize several online teaching tools and databases. Just today, I needed to access three (two video databases and a document database) and I signed up for another. I did this, mainly out of frustration for not being able to log into another of the databases. Yes, I took out my frustration by making the problem worse. Thank you internet for your assistance in that matter!

And of course, the problem is that I can't remember any of the stinkin' username/password combos for all these sites (I also have to log into the blog site too). Yes, thank you very much, I click the "Remember me on this computer" button provided on the site or the similar option Firefox gives me (at random times). This generally doesn't work though because I've usually typed in the wrong username or password to begin with. It's like having food in your teeth and kissing someone...you're already badoff and then the offense is magnified in a manner that results in increased offense. what a doozie! I must say though, if you are willing to kiss someone when they have food in their teeth, you forfeit any right whatsoever to chastise them for this unfortunate event. I digress...

This problem simply wouldn't exist if I could create the same username/password combo for all the accounts I have. But no...one site wants a username with your e-mail addy and one doesn't. One wants a password with 14 numbers and 3 letters and the other wants one with 6 letters and 9 numbers. Are you kidding me! I'm not accessing Pentagon files that reveal the true location of WMDs in Iraq. I'm not logging in to move carloads of cash from one falling stock to another. I'm trying to look at boring (to the mass population) videos about the Renaissance and Reconstruction. I'm trying to access a chart comparing Thomas More and Lorenzo Medici. I'm trying to find political cartoons about Andrew Johnson's impeachment. If someone wants to hack into my account badly enough to access these gems and similar ones, have at it. I'd love to share said gems with the world. Especially if it meant that I didn't have to spend 10 minutes and approximately 5 (on average) failed login attempts to get to the blasted info.

A byproduct of the 5+ failed login attempts is the electronically induced shame I feel when, after whatever attempt alerted the "officials" at the educational databases (think rent-a-cops at your local once glamorous now depressing roller rink) think that some dastardly villain is trying to get to their highly valuable educational resources and they instantly throw down the gauntlet with the red, all caps reply of "LOGIN FAILED- TRY AGAIN LATER" Try again later? Translation- we've got you now you fraud...move on to trying to hack someone else's account because ours is rock solid...huh! Or (depending on my mood), the translation is "come on, you're 27 years old, childless and reasonably intelligent and you can't remember a measly username/password, perhaps you shouldn't get out of bed tomorrow." Whatever translation my mood causes me to accept, invisible internet judgment has been passed and I'm ashamed.

I'll get over my shame, I'm sure. My plan of action at this point involves keeping up with the 6 or so mini Post-It notes I have on my laptop keyboard right now with username/password combos for the sites mentioned above. I realize this isn't a permanent solution but it was the best I could muster today. And anyway, I've about decided who I am. I'll get back to you with that...presuming I can log into this site in the near future. :)